Elimination
by Tex110
Summary: Peter and Edmund have gone through lots of things to get rid of all of Susan's suitors. But nothing could have prepared them for this one. What will the brothers do? Rated T for upcoming, light Slash related humor. However, this is not Slash!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **:stumbles into the room: Hi everyone. I am so, so, sooooo sorry I've been away for so long. You must be wondering why I haven't been reviewing anyone or PMing my favourite authors for status on their stories and all. Again, I am so sorry! I have been away on vacation for the past two and a half weeks and am just getting back into the swing of my time zone. Add that to my play practices and all and we've got a major time problem...

Anyway, I _promise, _promise, promise, promise I will get on the move with those reviews for you authors I keep tabs on! Eek!

But this is a story I suddenly came up with while away in the Sunshine State in my boredom. Hopefully it's up to scratch.

Warning: It will probably be very, very odd to many of you.

And I will not be abandoning my other two multi-chapter fics! I've got the next chapter for Consequences all typed up and gorgeous, but it needs tweaks here and there.

Alright, on to the story now. This will be a two-shot.

**Disclaimer: **I've been away so long, you guys have probably forgotten my disclaimer...so I don't own anything. The Pevensies are just my favourite characters to borrow and play with in my stories. Nope. They're not mine.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Nine words. That's all it took for the renowned King Edmund the Just to be rendered completely speechless. Nine words and the snarky, cheeky, sharp-witted Lord of Retorts was officially bereft of speech for an entire minute.

"Edmund, will you go to the party with me?"

Those nine simple words was all it took to get Edmund working furiously to avoid his jaw from dropping. He forced himself to leave his face completely neutral, if possible. Him, Edmund Pevensie, king of the Asocial life go to a modern-day party! Had she completely lost her head!

"I...ah..." he stuttered, stalling.

This was bonkers! Senile! There was no way Edmund Martin Pevensie was going to a party. Susan gave a prompting smile, unknowingly encouraging the loss of words.

"Um...wh-why don't you ask Lucy?"

Susan's slender hand came up to twist at an immaculate curl.

"She's really not old enough yet," she said regretfully. "I'd love to take her." she shrugged. "But it's just not possible. So, how about it?"

Susan's gorgeous, intelligent eyes pleaded with him hopefully, looking so eager and yet so hesitant. It was just about enough to send Edmund into a violent rampage against his own weakness for his siblings' expressions. Susan was almost as bad as Peter...

"Sure," his mouth blurted before he really had any time to consider, or even stop himself. "I'll go with you."

It was almost worth the pain he would be required to endure to see Susan's face brighten like it did. She was Queen Susan for the briefest of moments. Her joyous expression kept him happy with himself until she turned and headed down the hallway to her room. Then he realised what he'd just done.

Whiskers!

"Ah, Susan?" he called hurriedly, dashing up to stop her before she disappeared into her room. "Why don't you ask Peter?"

He bit his lip hopefully. Sure, he was going to put his brother through a living nightmare if this worked...but Peter was better at these kinds of things.

Unfortunately for him, his sister smilingly rolled her eyes.

"I asked him last time, silly," she said. "Don't you remember me telling you about it? He was absolutely dreadful. All the girls there were so taken with him that he ended up teaching a dance at the end of the night. He was completely oblivious that every one of them were dying to be asked out."

Edmund raised his eyebrows.

"He's sixteen."

"About time to start looking, Edmund," she said with a smile. "Don't think I haven't been looking for you. I don't care that you're 'only thirteen'."

It was Edmund's turn to roll his eyes.

"Sure, Su," he shrugged. "If you want it that way. But would it be all right if I asked Peter to come?"

He tried not to sound like he were pleading with her but failed miserably.

"Of course," Susan nodded, a knowing grin on her face. "If you promise to keep an eye on him and for heavens' sake educate him."

Edmund nodded eagerly. "I promise."

"All right, you may ask him."

Edmund spun on his heel and started to rush down the hall.

"Oh, and Edmund?" Susan stopped him in his tracks, voice taking on a stern tone. "James is taking me. I expect you to be polite."

A look of disgust crossed Edmund's face. He was grateful he hadn't turned to face her when she'd called. He wouldn't have been able to restrain that.

James. Ugh. The thought of him was just about enough to drive Edmund up a wall. He was Susan's current 'suitor'. Edmund hated him with a passion. Not for any particularly evident reason, of course, just the mere fact that he was dating Susan. Or the other fact that James hadn't gone through their father to ask Susan out. Edmund could have buried the boy alive based on that and felt no remorse...well...maybe a little bit.

"I'll be polite," he sighed.

Susan knew well enough he didn't like James.

"I'll be watching you," she said slyly.

And then she shooed him away. Edmund bolted down the hall and into Peter's room. He slammed the door open, making a picture on the wall rattle. The older boy's head snapped up in surprise as he barreled in.

"DoyouwanttogotothepartywithSusan?" he blurted hurriedly.

Peter blinked and shook his head as if to clear it.

"What!"

"Do you want to go to the party with Susan tonight?" Edmund repeated slowly.

Peter grinned. "So she asked you to go."

Edmund nodded.

"Sorry, Ed, I went last time. It's your turn."

"Peter, you have to help me," pleaded Edmund desperately.

Peter smirked at him.

"What?" Edmund snapped in mild irritance.

"You? Ask for help?" Peter asked skeptically. "Since when did King Edmund, renowned swordsman and ruler, ask for help?"

Edmund quickly crossed the room and closed the door. Then he faced his brother.

"James is coming," he said bluntly, waiting for the reaction.

Peter hated James.

The smirk dropped instantly and was replaced with a fierce tension and the glow of protectiveness flaring in china-blue eyes.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked grimly.

Edmund raised a brow.

"You're coming?"

Peter nodded emphatically.

"That bloody brigand is anywhere within a ten mile radius of Susan? You can guarantee it."

Edmund grinned. Very few things in life could provoke Peter to actually curse, even lightly as he had just done. James was definitely one of them.

"Well, I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do, but here's what I'm starting to think about."

Quickly, Edmund laid out a couple of ideas...and, being the master of chaos and a military strategy genius, they were superb. Peter gave his input and put the plan into practicality. They would be unfailing in their endeavor.

O o O o O o O o O o

Three hours later, Edmund was frowning at himself in the mirror, skeptically inspecting his appearance.

"Is this really what they call formal wear for males?" he asked Peter dubiously, tugging at the thick, stiff cloth of the light brown suit Susan had told him to wear.

Peter, standing next to him, nodded calmly, flipping down his collar.

"Ridiculous," Edmund muttered, turning this way and that in disbelief. "Don't they wear cloaks and tunics anymore?"

Peter patted him on the shoulder.

"No. Not in England, they don't."

Edmund sighed and gave the jacket a straightening tug.

"You remember your part?" he asked, stalking away from the mirror in a state.

"Yes, I do, Edmund," said Peter, laughing. "You've asked me that about five times now."

Edmund turned in surprise. Then he blushed sheepishly.

"Have I really?" he asked.

Peter chuckled and reached over to push Edmund's hair over to one side of his forehead.

"Yes," he said. "And don't worry, I've got it all down...though I wish I could have your part."

"Oh no," Edmund shook his head firmly. "You'd murder the boy. Just leave it to me."

"Murder him?" Peter burst out laughing. "If I did, it'd be ten times better than what you'd do to him. It's even better than what you have the _potential _to do to him!"

Waggling a finger, Edmund smirked at him. "Potential, Peter, that is the key word. What I have the potential to do and what I will do are very different things."

"All right, have it your way," Peter muttered sullenly, giving a very accurate mime of his moody brother.

"Shaddup," snapped Edmund good-naturedly.

That earned him a playful shove from a brother much taller and much stronger than he. It knocked him backward several paces.

Still, he grinned triumphantly and went to open the door.

"Where's Su?" he asked as he pushed his brother the last few paces out the door and followed.

Peter merely waved a hand down the hall, gesturing at their sister's bedroom.

"Still getting ready," he said.

That wasn't possible.

"Still?" Edmund exclaimed incredulously.

A nod from Peter.

"Bloody ridiculous," the younger boy muttered, striding down the hallway to Susan's door.

He raised a fist and pounded loudly on the door.

"Su!" he called. "Susan, I thought you said this was at six!"

There was no answer.

"Susan?"

The door flew open and Susan stood there, dressed very prettily, and smiling in amusement.

"It is at six," she said.

Edmund tapped his watchless wrist, indicating that it was already six o' clock.

"You don't want to arrive exactly on time, Edmund," Susan pointed out, stepping from the room and closing the door behind her. "Nobody would be there and it's also nice to have a steady stream of people coming and going at these events."

Edmund shrugged and strode back down the hall to Peter. Women. He would never understand them. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

A knock sounded from downstairs. Both Peter and Edmund staunchly avoided eye contact. They knew who it was.

"James," said Susan, going down the steps.

The brother's looked at each other as she went out of sight. They shared a look of disgust and horror before they headed after Susan. James had come to the very front door and was already arm on arm with Susan, prepared to escort her.

Edmund ducked out of sight behind his brother as he opened the door and went out. There were some pretty handy advantages to being small. In the dark, they shouldn't notice that Peter's shadow delayed in mimicking his movements.

"Hello."

Edmund heard James greet Peter warmly.

_Hypocritical prat._

"Hello," said Peter, inclining his head politely. "Are we ready to go?"

Susan and James nodded.

"Where's Edmund?" asked Susan.

Peter waved a hand behind him dismissively. "He'll be along shortly."

He opened the garden gate for the two.

"Go ahead," he offered chivalrously.

Edmund heard the two pass and then popped into sight. He gave his brother a pointed glance and they walked behind them, close enough to hear but far enough away to talk in low tones without being heard.

"This is bloody stupid," Edmund hissed, eyeing the pair ahead of them with a suspicious glare.

"Relax, ed," Peter murmured. "We'll be fine. Susan will be fine. She's always had good discernment before."

"Good discernment until now, you mean. God, he's such a lowlife," moaned Edmund.

"Edmund!"

"What? He is."

"Just because you were a king doesn't give you any license to call anyone a lowlife," said Peter firmly.

"Were?" asked Edmund, raising his brows. "Still am, Peter. So are you. Once a king of Narnia, always a king of Narnia. And I'm not calling him a lowlife _because _I'm a king, Peter. I know what I really am. And please, I'm not _that _degrading, even if he is a bloody, flaming, rotten, son of a--"

"Edmund!"

"Alright, alright, fine!" Edmund rocked his head back and forth in irritable submission.

There was a break in the conversation long enough for them to catch the next few words from James' mouth.

"...and your eyes sparkle..."

They didn't hear anymore as they both pretended to retch quietly off to the side. When they righted, they gave each other pained, disbelieving looks.

This was going to be a loooooong night.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

**Note: **Alriiiight...:rubs hands together: I'm off to review everyone else! Tell me what you think of this!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Hey folks! I'm sorry this took forever for me to get up, but here's the final part to Elimination. It got a bit long I'm afraid. I hope you can stand it. ;) Once more, for your benefit:

**Warning:** This chapter is rated T for Slash related humour (at least that's what I hope it turns out to be).

This story, however, is _not _slash. Never will be. I suppose you slash shippers out there may consider it that way, but that never was, or ever will be, my intentions.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own 'em. Nope. Wish I did, that's why I write fanfiction. So I can borrow everybody else's characters for a while. ;) The characters, minus James, are all property of C.S. Lewis.

So...without further ado, I give you Elimination: Part 2!

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Edmund winced as a group of girls in the near vicinity erupted into loud laughter. Were they always this weird when they were in groups? He certainly hoped Lucy would never fall into that...but he knew she wouldn't.

He edged away from the noise. He was trying to stay near, but just out of sight of, James and Susan. They were talking amiably next to the food table. Peter was nowhere in sight.

_Come on, Peter. Where are you?_

Edmund looked around the room with an annoyed frown. His brother was supposed to be taking charge of his part about now. Actually, about five minutes ago. Where was he! Edmund stood on tiptoe to give the room another glance over. That was the part about being so small that he absolutely despised. There was no way to find anybody in a crowd. Hopeless cause. He folded his arms as the look proved fruitless.

Edmund's gaze snapped back to James. He had taken it upon himself not to allow James with Susan alone for more than a minute. Yes, there were about fifty people clustered around the room here and there which didn't really classify them as 'alone', but Edmund didn't take the time to reason that out.

A brief hearing of James' flattering tones had him turning to the blank wall to bare his teeth at it in disgust. He wanted to scream at Susan to see through James' charming mask. The honey-sweetened words were like poison to both Susan and Edmund. But Edmund knew of the danger, Susan did not.

_God, he's exactly like Rabadash! _he thought in horror. He'd hoped he'd never have to go through that kind of experience ever again.

_Only this time, Susan won't listen to the advice or wisdom of her siblings!_

He curled one hand into a fist.

_Damn it, Peter! What's going on? We haven't even begun to play and you're already falling out!_

Edmund threw another glance about the room. This time, thankfully, he caught the glint of a blonde head and the familiar posture. What was he doing? Edmund began to stride over...but stopped dead and almost doubled over laughing.

Poor, chivalrous, attractive Peter was trapped within the depths of several girls looking absolutely lost. He never had been able to clue in to the obvious hints the female gender sent him. He would never get himself a girlfriend...NOT that Edmund would ever allow that on his honour. He barely tolerated Susan's passing boyfriends, there was no way in hell he would let a most beloved, favourite sibling be seduced by some Narnia-ignorant, idiotic, air headed female.

Actually, Peter had already sworn (on Edmund's insistence, as usual) that he wouldn't date anyone unless they knew about Narnia. Edmund even had it in writing (once again, another demonstration of his Ed-ism). And the only girls they knew who had been to Narnia were Aunt Polly and young Jill. Edmund noted this with extreme satisfaction.

He glanced back to Peter. Time to save his poor, poor, bloody noble brother. Edmund strode over to the crowd.

"Sorry ladies," he said loudly over the chattering.

The noise around Peter stopped abruptly and heads turned to stare at him. Odd, Edmund noted dispassionately, he hadn't thought he were that bad looking with Peter as a brother. The girls were looking at him with obvious disdain.

_Good._

He looked at Peter. His older brother was visibly, to him, hard-pressed not to show his relief at Edmund's timely appearance.

"I need to speak to Peter," said Edmund mildly.

There were several blinks.

_Con-cr-ete...Merciful Aslan..._

"Alone," stated the younger monarch archly.

The crowd parted reluctantly. There were several mutters, but Peter, charming to the hilt, smiled at them all.

"Excuse me for a moment."

The crowd bobbed it's many heads simultaneously. Peter followed Edmund away and through several of the open hallways, crowded with throngs of guests.

"Thanks, Ed," said Peter gratefully. "I thought I was going to start yelling at any moment."

Edmund shot him a disbelieving look.

"You? Yell? Don't make me laugh."

Peter chuckled. "From insanity," he corrected.

"Oh," Edmund nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I don't doubt that."

"What's up?"

Edmund raised his eyebrows. "What's up? Peter your part was supposed to be under way about five minutes ago. Susan needs out. Now. This guy is like Rabadash times ten, to give you an idea. She needs a break. And fast."

Peter nodded. "Right."

And he promptly turned and strode back into the room. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Edmund had to smile as Peter's back vanished. High King Peter the Magnificent on a mission. There was really nothing like it. He hurried after his purpose driven brother to do his part, straightening his jacket as he went.

He reached the table just in time for Peter's effortless beginning.

"May I have the honour of this dance?"

Good. Peter was doing his part, easy as cake. He really was perfect. All charm, appearance, and etiquette. Edmund wasn't good at much of that. Deceit of an equally evil subject was more his ground, and he wielded that power with bold efficiency...ironic, really, when deceit had to come subtly and softly.

"Why, Peter, what a surprise!" he heard Susan exclaim.

She would accept. Of course she would. Etiquette dictated that one should accept every dance possible (at least that's what Edmund had heard Susan say). And etiquette was Susan's law.

Sure enough, not more than half a minute later, Peter walked away to the dance floor with Susan's hand atop his own. This left James quite available for attack.

Inwardly rubbing his hands together at an opportunity for major mischief, Edmund sidled over to him.

"Lovely night, don't you think?" he said politely, giving James a courteous nod.

"Yes," said James, looking rather uncomfortable without a girl at his side. "Yes, lovely night indeed."

"My name is Edmund. I'm Susan's younger brother."

Edmund extended his hand.

James took it, his features brightening. He flashed a brilliant smile.

_And they say I'm no good at charming..._

"Wonderful to meet you, Edmund," he said, though Edmund knew it was a hypocritical statement. Everyone knew that girlfriends' brothers were bad news. "I'm James."

"Nice to meet you, James," said Edmund.

A hypocritical statement as well, but, on Edmund's part, professionally veiled.

"Might I inquire as to where my sister may have wandered off to?"

James' features tightened.

"She's been asked to dance," he said, giving an admirable but failed attempt at keeping his voice smooth.

"But surely you dance, James?" said Edmund, voice smooth as glass.

"Yes, I do," said James tightly.

Edmund raised his brows delicately and turned to observe Susan dance with Peter (It was a Narnian dance by the looks of it. Peter, the clever guy, probably made her believe he'd made it up).

"I supposed he just got to it first," Edmund sighed, easily feigning regret. "It's a shame he did, really. Susan dearly loves to dance. You may have had her to yourself the entire evening if you had only mustered the courage to ask her."

"Excuse me?" asked James, a vein pulsing lightly on his temple.

Edmund didn't miss a beat.

"Or maybe it's because you aren't sincerely interested in her?"

"Oh, I certainly am interested," James clarified hastily.

Edmund tilted his head to one side in innocent scrutiny of the boy. He couldn't help but notice that James did not quite make eye contact with him. He slyly motioned to Peter and Susan.

"They make a rather handsome pair," he remarked. "Don't you agree?"

No need for James to know they were related.

"I thought he was her brother," said James, disconcerted.

_Ah well...think fast, Edmund!_

"Oh no," laughed Edmund, casually reaching behind himself for a glass of juice. "No, no, no. No, Peter is just a very good acquaintance of our family. We've known him since before I was born. We have taken it upon ourselves to just, if I may say, adopt him. Unofficially, of course. Make him our brother, because he might as well be."

_Uh-huh, how's that for a pickup?_

He sipped his juice and smiled benignly at a befuddled James.

"They are very close," he added, as if as an afterthought.

James' jaw clenched. "They are?"

"Oh yes," said Edmund cheerfully, back in his comfort zone. "And as if that weren't good enough. I always imagined her to marry somebody with blonde hair and blue eyes." he laughed lightly and gestured to the dance floor with his cup, indicating Peter. "It's of interest to me to see where this goes, because he is in very good graces with my entire family. Especially my father."

Edmund stared firmly at Peter and Susan dancing. He had just almost lost it right there.

_Concentrate, Edmund, concentrate!_

But it was almost enough to send his self control out the window. James was the exact opposite of what he'd just described. With black hair and grey eyes, he was the perfect material for dumping. Not to mention he hadn't gone through their father for approval before he started dating Susan.

_In your face, boy._

Edmund quickly reached for the first thing he saw on the table and shoved it into his mouth. It was a grape.

"So where are you and your family from?" asked James, obviously and bluntly changing the subject. "I've noticed you have a rather strong accent. It's not one I've heard before."

Edmund nodded knowledgeably. It was the Narnian accent. Everyone noticed it.

"We used to live on the 'outskirts', if you will, of London," he answered easily, having answered this many times before. "Out there the accent is a little different. I suppose I've never really lost it."

"Ah."

James was beginning to get a lofty look about his face. Superior.

Hah. Him, an England street boy get an upper hand on Edmund Pevensie, the master of exactly that? It was purely fantastical. However, Edmund wasn't wasting his time gloating over his superiour skills. The music had stopped and Susan, rosy-cheeked and glowing, was returning with Peter.

To anyone else, Peter smiled gaily. That was all. But there, within the depths of china-blue eyes that were so vastly different from their father's, contrary to popular belief, was a question.

Edmund's lips tipped upward. Well, brothers weren't brothers for nothing. He caught Peter's eye and shook his head. A fractional movement once from right to left. Peter answered with a similar nod of his own.

The perfect smile didn't drop so much as half a centimeter.

"Fine dancer you've got," he said to James, this time giving a visible nod. "My thanks to you for letting me borrow her."

James nodded stiffly, taking Susan back at his side. Edmund noticed the grip he hand on Susan's arm was rather possessive. Good. If he showed his true colors, Susan would part with him with minimal pain.

Edmund smiled as charmingly as he could without bursting into laughter.

"Courage, James, courage," he whispered lightly.

Then, because Susan threatened to ruin all of his hard work by looking suspicious, Edmund marched himself away. He hoped his sensible brother would have enough sense to follow (he did, of course).

Once out of sight, Edmund dragged Peter into a corner.

"I've only just begun to work on him," he said to Peter in frustration. "I need more time!"

"It's all right, Ed. If you'll allow me to have a go at him. I've told Susan you might stop around for a dance." Peter smiled crookedly.

"Um, Peter?" Edmund blushed and swallowed, his mouth suddenly very dry.

"Yes?"

"I...ah...had to improvise the story a bit, and...well..." Edmund's gaze snapped to the ceiling, as if hoping it would help him out.

"Ed?" Peter pulled his brother's chin down and looked at him.

Brown eyes refused to make eye contact.

"Ed, what did you do?" Peter knew his brother too well not to be suspicious. "Edmund?"

Edmund took a deep breath, knowing he would probably receive an over-the-top reaction, and locked eyes with his brother.

"I told him you were a couple," he said bluntly.

He looked away quickly, but that didn't stop the feeling of wanting to shrink into a little hole. Peter seemed stunned.

"Y-you...what!"

Edmund swallowed thickly, his face hot.

"Ed-Edmund, you...you made him believe...incest!"

Peter's voice was rapidly rising in pitch, horrified.

"Not incest, Peter!" Edmund hissed, his head snapping up to lock eyes indignantly. "Bloody hell, do you really think I'm that flaming stupid?"

Peter continued to stare at him, wordlessly shaking hia head as if to rid himself of the very thought of it.

"Snap out of it!" Edmund snarled, deciding this was the best way to kick his brother's rational.

He gave Peter a series of small, sharp slaps across the face.

"Look, all I said was that you were a really good friend of the family and that you were like our brother. All right!" he explained in a rush, folding his arms crossly. "Calm down, for Aslan's sake!"

Peter broke eye contact this time, looking at the floor. Edmund let him. He was regaining composure.

"Alright," said Peter, after a moment. "I'm sorry, it just really startled me at first."

"Way to overreact," muttered Edmund sourly.

Peter managed a wry grin. He took a deep breath and then stood straighter.

"Let's go," he said calmly.

"That's more like it," said Edmund approvingly. "Now we need to get Susan away again. You'll have to ask her for another dance."

"Edmund, that's not polite," said Peter.

Edmund waved a hand dismissively. "To hell with etiquette, I'm not dancing."

He caught his brother's eye.

"And I'm not going to apologise for that, you know."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "I didn't expect you to. So it's my dance again?"

Edmund nodded cheerfully.

With a sigh, Peter moved off to find Susan. Edmund wiped psychological sweat from his brow and hurried after him. What he saw next made him stop in disgust. On the dance floor were James and Susan, looking like they were having the time of their lives.

_Must. Get. Him. Away from her!_

Edmund diverted his steps and headed for the orchestral players. Once this song was over, he was going to request something special for the next song. Since Peter would, again, be in possession of their sister something nice and long ought to do.

Back in full Edmund-destroyer mode, the young monarch waited patiently for the song to stop.

One conversation with the conductor later, Edmund was happily helping himself to grapes at the buffet table. He smiled at them cheerfully. They were back in control. He gave a sigh of satisfaction as the first few strains of a lengthy song filled the air. Wonderful.

"Edmund!"

Edmund choked on his grape.

"Peter! What on earth?" he managed, swallowing thickly. "I thought you were with Susan!"

Peter shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry, Ed, I couldn't get to them in time."

_Shit! _Edmund glared at his glass of juice, now looking bloodily unappealing.

"Edmund, this song is longer than an age. You do realise that?"

"Yes, of course I do," snapped Edmund. "Merciful Aslan, let a chap think."

There was a moment of silence. Edmund muttered several ideas under his breath, moving rapidly through a swiftly dwindling list of options. Then Peter snapped his fingers.

"I've got it," he said.

Edmund fixed him with a skeptical stare. Peter was perfectly capable of coming up with plans, and he was good at it. But the normal sequence of things went: Edmund thought up the plans, Peter put them into practicality and they both explored strategic options. Edmund was a little wary of the sudden change.

"Peter, your smile is a little suspicious," he said slowly. "What are you up to?"

He put down his drink and folded his arms.

"I have the perfect idea," said Peter firmly.

"And what exactly is this perfect idea?"

Smiling innocently, Peter held out a hand.

"Dance?" he asked.

Edmund just about fainted. Brown eyes expanded to roughly the size of two saucers.

"Peter, are you out of your bloody mind?" he asked incredulously. "And to think: you were just about to have a heart attack at the mention of incest!"

Peter shrugged.

"Susan will have the heart attack now," said Edmund, shaking his head in denial. "And I'm beginning to wonder who's going to be first. Her or me?"

"It's just a dance, Ed," Peter pointed out mildly. "Girls do it all the time. What's so different about it now?"

"Oh there's nothing wrong with dancing with you, Peter," said Edmund sarcastically. "Let me see. Oh yes. One, we happen to be brothers. And two? We. Are. _Both. **Males!**_"

Edmund waved two fingers through the air in front of Peter's face.

"Two extremely good reasons why we shouldn't," he said.

"Aw, Ed," Peter pushed out his lower lip and batted his eyes mockingly. "You sure you don't have a thing for me?" then he rolled his eyes and cuffed Edmund's shoulder. "Come off it, Ed, do you really want to get rid of James or not?"

Edmund hung his head in defeat.

"Yes," he sighed.

"Well then," Peter prompted. "It won't be that bad, I promise. Just don't think about it."

Reluctantly, Edmund took hold of his brother's hand.

"Alright, fine. But I am not doing the girl's part of the dance," he muttered.

Then a hint of good humour and mischief came back to him.

"You look more like one anyway."

Peter laughed it off. "You're just jealous of my golden locks," he said, giving them a little toss.

"Least I don't scream like a girl," Edmund shot back, thoroughly enjoying the banter.

He almost forgot what they were about to do.

Peter scowled at him.

"You're one to say, Mr. Large-chocolate-vat eyes," he retorted, putting on a very good show of resentment.

Edmund glowered at his brother as they went out onto the floor.

"Hand on my waist, Ed," muttered Peter through gritted teeth.

Hah. So Edmund wasn't the only one who detested the idea.

"There is no way I am putting my hand anywhere near your waist!" he snapped.

His hand was grabbed in a firm grip and placed onto Peter's hip.

"Oh _God_, Peter, does it have to look so wrong?" he moaned, averting his eyes to the walls in embarrassment. "Look, I love you, but not _that _way."

"Just keep thinking of James, Ed. We're getting rid of James," suggested Peter grimly through a cheerful facade. "And relax, or it isn't going to work. Then you'll have gone through all this for nothing."

Edmund clenched his teeth and concentrated on not meeting the eyes of a single person in the room. Though he got a good, yet subtle, look at all of them so he could avoid them like hell if he ever saw them again.

"There they are," Peter whispered.

"Keep Susan's back to us," Edmund hissed. "If all of England is going to think we're gay, I'd at least like to spare my sister a premature coronary."

"Relax, Edmund," Peter murmured soothingly. "All of England isn't here. They won't all think we're gay. Relax."

"What are you a psychologist!" Edmund asked furiously. "I. Am. Dancing. With. A man, Peter! And not just any man, I might add," his whisper was quickly going into hysteria. "I am dancing with my brother! Which raises the horror meter to two! And you say 'relax'! Bloody, flaming hell am I going to relax!"

"Edmund!" It was as sharp as a whisper from Peter could get. "You are drawing attention. Keep it up and all of England will know. Look happy, or James will never take it!"

With a final glower, Edmund gave an almighty effort and pulled a smile onto his face.

"Is Susan-?"

"Her back is to us, I've got it all covered," said Peter calmly. "We're going to move closer."

And before Edmund could protest, they had moved (rather gracefully, actually) to another side of the floor. He glanced up at Peter. He was just in time to catch the abrupt change from fake smile to genuine grin.

"Wha-?"

"Smile, Ed, it's making him flip," Peter muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

Edmund did as he was told.

"Take a look," said Peter, rotating their pattern around so Edmund could see.

Edmund smile underwent the same change that Peter's had just gone through. James' face looked like a twisted mass of horror, surprise, and disgust. True laughter rang from Edmund's brilliant smile now.

"Peter, quick, turn us!" he whispered hurriedly.

When they did, they moved out of the way and another couple took their place. Edmund burst into a fit of restrained laughter. Peter was grinning from ear to ear, trying desperately to contain his own laughter.

"If you can get me one more of those looks, I swear, Peter, all of this will be worth it!" Edmund gasped.

Raising his brows, Peter looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked.

Edmund nodded, grinning like a lunatic.

"It'll make James' head go through the floor, but can you handle it?" asked Peter slyly.

Rather unwisely, Edmund nodded again. He was ready for anything. He thought.

That was until he caught Peter's china-blue eyes giving the room a glance over. As if to make sure they weren't the absolute center of attention. Most people, it seemed, were too embarrassed to even look at them. Edmund's smile faded and he gave the room a once-over. Only James' eyes remained fixed on them.

"Peter, what are you-?"

But as his gaze snapped onto his brother, his question died on his lips. Peter didn't give him half a second to react. Peter swiftly, with a prematurely triumphant chuckle, ducked his head and dropped a small, very brief kiss onto Edmund's forehead.

Edmund blinked. Stunned. What the-? Had he just...? No.

_PETER!_

"You idiot!"

Peter spun him around before the words could form.

James' face looked like he had just swallowed four, very sour lemons. Edmund couldn't help it. He burst into a fit of laughter. Luckily, Peter had foreseen this and was already moving them away. Susan and James disappeared from sight.

"Ought to do the job," said Peter's voice in his ear. "Now, let's move off before Susan finds out."

They hurried off the floor and back to the dining table, both chortling madly.

"That was wicked, Peter," Edmund praised, giving his brother a hearty slap on the back. "Batty, but wicked."

Both of them collapsed into chairs at an empty table.

"Remind me never to do that again," said Peter, grinning and shaking his head.

"I echo that sentiment," agreed Edmund. "But with extra emphasis on the 'never'."

He held out his hand and the two shared a low five.

"Bloody wicked," muttered Edmund, standing and retrieving a glass of juice and a grape from the table.

"Whiskers!" he heard Peter mutter as he returned.

"What?" Edmund turned around, searching for the source of Peter's frustration.

He caught it. James and Susan were off the dance floor now, and chatting animatedly at their own table.

"Edmund?" said Peter, not taking his eyes from the two.

"No," said Edmund, shaking his head violently. "No way."

"Are you good to go for one more thing?"

"_No._"

Peter stood up slowly.

"I'm pretty sure Susan won't notice, because it's not exactly something she doesn't see around the house," continued Peter.

"Peter, I said _no_."

"...But I'm definitely sure after what he just saw, James will notice."

"Peter! No!"

"Grab my hand," Peter ordered, taking charge.

"**_NO!_**"

Peter grabbed his hand.

"We'll just walk over there and talk, all right?"

Edmund tried to pull his hand away.

"Argh! Peter!"

"Right, let's go."

Peter dragged him casually over to the table.

"Evening," said Peter politely.

"Hello, Peter," said Susan, smiling. "Edmund."

Grudgingly, Edmund had to admit Peter was very good at thinking up things on the spot because, as Peter predicted, Susan didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Whether they were playing or being normal, Susan was used to her siblings holding hands frequently. She didn't bat an eyelash at the fact that her brothers were doing just that. James, on the other hand, stared at it for a long moment.

"Mind if we join you?" asked Peter.

"Not at all," Susan shook her head.

Peter dragged Edmund over to the two chairs and sat down. He leaned forward and put an elbow on the table to shield Susan's view while they left it open for James to see their hands together on the table.

Edmund discreetly tried to work his thumb into some hollow in Peter's hand. If he got the right spot then he just might be able to make him let go. Forget the Rabadash bloke.

James cleared his throat. "Ah, I'm not really feeling well," he said uncomfortably. "I think I should be getting home now."

And without waiting for an answer, James rose and left. Susan stared after him, nonplussed.

Edmund pried his hand from Peter's grasp.

"Odd," said Susan, turning around.

Both brothers were reclining comfortably in their chairs.

"I wonder what was bothering him?"

Edmund choked on a grape.

O o O o O o O o O o O o

Three days later...

Edmund leaned comfortably against a tree outside their back door, fiddling with a blade of grass. Peter, next to him, had his head tilted backward to rest against the trunk, eyes closed serenely.

Susan had just informed them that morning that James had broken up with her. She hadn't seemed too upset. Her eyes had been a little red-rimmed, but that was all. In fact, she seemed rather at peace with the whole situation. Edmund's plan for minimal pain on her part had worked beautifully.

He had already congratulated himself thoroughly on this several times.

"You know," he mused aloud. "We really are getting quite good at this."

Peter's eyes fluttered open and roved sideways to look at him.

"Getting rid of all these boyfriends, I mean," said Edmund.

Peter nodded in agreement.

"But," Edmund continued. "Nothing has ever been as frightfully scarring as last night."

He shuddered and leaned over to give Peter's shoulder a shove.

"I still can't believe you made me do that."

And he launched into a lengthy speech about how he would never on his honour do that again. And how he would so pay Peter back for the horrendous experience.

Peter merely listened, a small smile on his face. He'd already heard this speech over five times by now. He began to mouth the words along with Edmund.

"...I do hope that next time..." Edmund caught sight of Peter's soundless mouthing. "Cut that out."

Peter grinned and stood up.

"Get over it already, Ed," he said, rolling his eyes playfully.

Edmund stood as well, letting his blade of grass flutter to the ground.

"Alright, all right. But don't ever do that again."

"I won't," Peter promised.

"Good."

They began to head for the house.

"Edmund?"

"Yes."

Peter grinned, backing away.

"Dance?"

There was a horrified yelp, but Peter had already started to run.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

**Note: **Well...:bites lip: What did you think?


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